This house has nothing going on. I go to school, attend my classes and head straight for the couch. I feel like I'm a old shrived up soul, dried out, nothing flowing in my blood anymore. I've brought this to myself. I've shut out everyone. Closed the curtains that hide the overwhelming bright sunlight with it's warm rays I've forgotten all about. We live in this circle always thinking what can we do but this. It's nothing. I keep thinking that in the coming future I will do this and go here and become someone I've always wanted to be. Live how I've dream to live. But I am not promised tomorrow and until then I sit. I sit in the couch. Not taking part in the world outside. I might as well be a piece of dust on the ground. No voice inside because there is no one to hear me. All our true connections are electronic. Even now I write this to a machine with letter buttons and you continue to play fantasy with your virtual self. I feel I can do only two things. The first is the easiest which would be to continue this ... I'm not sure what to call it, because it's not really living. The second is much harder done than said. And that is to break away and start doing something other than stare at the lighted box with clips of people doing what I wish I could do. This reminds me of when I was in high school and Ting had go away to WA and all I had was my room. My dad would be downstairs locked away in his room on his eighth new laptop, my mom tucked away sleeping in her room probably crying and myself ...so I just watched TV all day in and out. I thought to myself if a family is like this it's really not a family. It's a nightmare just so boring you don't think it's scary but it's really quite terrifying. Then one day I'll wake up from this but I'm not sure if I can do it by myself. I feel so weak, I feel so alone. I feel as insignificant as a piece of dust on the ground. Dust to dust, it was how we were created and I've returned to dust.