YO YO YO WATZ UP
Hello. It's me. Yessiree! Crazy in so many ways.

Miss. Lizzza
Example:
I am everything and anything I want to be.

Add your links here.



Music Playlist at MixPod.com

I've experienced so much in the past few years of my life, it shaped and changed me to become the person I am today. I'm not so sure I can say I'm proud of who I am. But I guess I just have to accept it. Here's the ugly truth. I'm selfish. Always thought of myself before others because I was the baby of the family and I assume that position quite well, though i wasn't spoiled in anyway. I think I get it from my parents, the temper and impatience-I honestly believe it's genetic. My parents were really strict with me, yet not in some ways. They never really show much emotion to me except for anger if I didn't do something right. There were good days when mom and dad did get along well. Those few months scattered here and there were rare, and I remember even when I was so young that I knew to cherish these days because they would soon quickly pass and everything would go back to hell again. There's always been this dark cloud that's followed me. When I was thirteen I thought of suicide. Not in the way of actually planning to do it to myself. But more like just thinking of it, thinking how one could choose to die rather than go through life that doesn't seem worth living. This I experienced when everyone else around me was enjoying ...oh I don't know...actually being a kid? My dad was unfaithful. My dad did not know how to love us right but he still did in his own way. My mom went from beyond scary tyrant who control everything I did including what I wore each day to an extremely depressed and ill woman who cried all day and said she was leaving us because she really doesnt care about anyone anymore. So I ran away. My safe haven was in between corn fields and The Crawfish ( a river). I've realized now I've never really face up to the reck I left behind. Distance made me believe I was sane. I would laugh at the girls who became sluts or emo/goth because of their messed up family life, but I realize now, I'm really no different. Though not as prominent, it all affects me too. I'm secretive like my mom. Everything must be held inside. Yes I show anger or happiness but the real secrets I still keep inside because I honestly don't know how to share

the truth because no one has ever shown me. The truth has always been avoided, swept under the mat my whole life. I was a hopeless romantic. Hopeless like the thought of love, any love, appeals to me. Hopeless like even if I didn't know what love is I was still so willing to say I am in it. I was a hard perfectionist. It tears me apart but I'll never fully let go. My comfort in diets and weight goals has brought me both such immense joy or obsessive sorrow. I know I'm not alone in this department. Thought I know it's wrong, I've always wanted a friend to do it with me so I don't feel so alone. Sick I know...I've always had some kind of a dark side to me. It sits there, dormant and silent. A cold, careless me-first mindset that resurfaces every once in a while and there are weeks that sometimes honestly I cannot feel anything. Numb. Not like the numb of I don't care because I'm too lazy to care numb...I mean numb like I cannot feel right from wrong. And numb was how I felt for a while untill that day I saw you again. And everything baby...everything came rushing in like a ocean wave. I cannot stand here by myself, I would be knocked over. Please stand with me...