As far as I am concerned, this is still my blog. These are my thoughts. Like it or not, I'm trying hard to be open about it. Here's what is on my mind right now. I can't wait for california. I can't wait to see my Baby again. I love you. so much. And I will always love you. Do I want to take a chance and and in the process, lose you forever? I don't want to lose you. I know I never want to lose you. It's like, I love you so much. I love being with you. I love your company. I love the person you are. You're prefect. But then I honestly don't know the world without you. I am absolutely miserable at home. I've never had much of an escape from my fucked up world I come from so I throw myself at love. I know that doesnt sound good, but I think it's true. And I stayed with you. Fell in love and shut out everything else and everyone else. I am not going to lie, this summer has been the first time I've been away from you and actually made many new friends and have new experiences. It feels like a breathe of fresh air. Part of me just wants to keep pursuing this new ..lifestyle and be completely free from all responsibility because I know there's a limited time for me to be able to do that. I mean I obviously cannot when I get older, hell, I can't when I graduate and have a actual career and that time span is pretty damn short..two years. I don't care how awful this may sound, I'm not sure how else to say this, but I don't want to miss out on these things. I love meeting new people. The single life appeals to me because you are not tied down, you don't have to worry about your actions, and I see it in all my friends around me. It's true, those you are around will affect you. I know it's so selfish, and I know it's wrong, but I'm saying that this is what I've been feeling. However, I'm not sure I even want to go through with this anymore. If I take that chance, you may never come back to me. I can't lose you because I'll never stop loving you. I can't stop loving you. I just know it. You are so much a part of me. Forever regret losing you may be worst than always thinking what if....This is what is going thru my head. So now I am torn between two choices. No matter which one I make, I'll still love you. Well here's all the words for you to see a part of what I am feeling.