I can't count how many things stresses me out in my life. But I can tell you the thing that is the MOST stressful for me. If you haven't guessed it already, it's my mom. My sister overheard her talking on the phone to a friend of hers saying how we don't love her, we don't want to spend time with her...ect. Okay I should feel guilty, but to be honest, I feel more upset, confused, and angry rather than sad. I think there is a line between respect and adore. I respect her, I honestly think I do. If she ask me to come home, guess what, I'm home. If she ask me to go to work, clean up, take out the trash..ect, I'll do it. But to adore her, to say I enjoy her company, that I go out of my way so we can form the perfect mother-daughter trio...I don't think that is possible. It's not that I haven't tried, my presences alone annoys her. Every SINGLE time I am around her, there has NEVER been a moment where she does not have something horrible and mean to say to my face. She treats me like I'm some stranger, some parasite she has to deal with. I feel even more discourage to find any connection with her because of her. I don't know how her mind works, but it's a world of difference from me. She's probably the most closed minded, ignorant, and judgemental woman I've ever known. When she says things like, All Americans are stupid, only Chinese people are the best...I mean, I can't listen to that crap and not say anything in response. I'm sorry, I don't believe that for a second. I can't do anything to please her. I can't do anything right by her. I can't do a single damn thing...yet she expects me to what? Come flying downstairs into her arms and cry Mommy Dearest? When I try talking to her, being nice, being normal, I'm met with only words of angry and spite. I don't know how she can blame everything on me. In fact, there has got to be some part of her she bury so deep, only God can dig it out of her; the part where she has to face that she's not perfect either. She honestly thinks that she's the best there is, and I obviously don't measure up to her. She's far greater than any human being apparently. I am what I am, and that's not just "not good enough" but also just not good at all. I don't know what to even do. She wants me to be like her. To think like her. Oh my God. This concept scares the hell out of me. There is no way and never ... would I ever what to be anything like her. I am her daughter, not her mind, not her heart. I am myself and I will not change, not even for her. If my opinion is different from yours, well guess what sweetheart, that's how it's always going to be. No two people are alike, and if you can't live with this fact, then I'm not sure how one can live in this world. I want to show her compassion. I want to show her that I can still do this, I can still maintain some sort of a relationship with her. I wish I could, and in this way I am a failure too. I don't blame everything on my mom though. I'm not going to be that kind of person. Not that it matters much, but I don't know how to approach her at all. I wish I could, but I'm not strong enough to withstand her terror and rejection.