Finally!! I can write again..it's kinda dorky to say this but I'm suddenly filled with excitement that feels like little bolts of electricity in my toes. Teehee~ I just have so much to say and I'm overwhelm with what to start out with. I guess I'll just go with the first thing that pops in my head. . . Let's go from dark to light. Dark thoughts...hmm I got plenty of those.

I'm super depressed and in denial about my weight. I gained back a whole f-ing pound. I know it doesn't sound like a lot but in the world of scales I live in, every bit counts. I can't deny I have a problem, it festers and grows on me and I cradle it in my heart, knowing I can't let go, or maybe I don't want to. I'm not sure what to do, but I'm getting really good at this. And it doesn't scare me like it probably should. If you think you've open my door, I'm sorry, it's just a crack. Smile for the camera, and cry in the shower. Like it or not, don't freak out. It's me.
So what's going on in that building with them old nurses picking and eyeing who's in and who's out. Once again, I'm out, and I'd see them with pitchforks and horns burning up the folder labeled LIZA laughing as my options run low. But that's silly. I turn these old southern ladies into little dancing devils when in reality, I did this to myself. This reality, it's so hard to escape when I have this heavy anchor I call Sam. So I guess I'm grounded for the time being. I wish I lived in my many fairy tales. Here's a taste of one... to be always surrounded with good friends, no stress, life is a basket of colorful rainbows, ice-cream cones, clear blue sky and the big bright sun shinning in on us. Warm waves from the ocean washes over us by day, and by night we dance it away under stars too bright for the sky.

This is me owl city happy sunny bubbles and bright lights. If only life can be this good. . . Is there really a place out there in the world like this? I'd like to think there is, but I'm only fooling myself. I wish everything was new and exciting like I've never lived before. But all things gets old, and I don't want to live that life. But last week I read a chapter of a book called Velvet Elvis and it's pretty eye opening. Rob Bell says that God is reality, and I thought about it, and I love this idea that He is not a religion but reality. I think I'm so depressed because I've become so obsessed with myself. It's not like I'm vain or anything, I don't think I'm goddess of the lowly human kind, but love me or hate me, it's still an obsession. Which I think the solution; the true solution is to genuinely care more about the people around me and less about that person in the reflection.



I wish I could be as dainty as a daisy.