Miss. Lizzza
Wednesday, November 11, 2009
In courtesy of the girlss, I won't put a face and a name to em. But I will say this...
Why should I care how others feel if they don't want to be real with it? I don't think I should choose sides, and be a fake smiling friend you think I am. But if I don't, then I'm a freak. Odd. Don't talk to her. She's weird... right. I'm the strange one, but you cover yourself up with so much emotional makeup...it's kinda scary.
If I say what I really feel, I don't think I'd have many friends. If I say, I think you like to talk a load of shit just to make yourself feel better, but hey that's cool, we're all human and I understand you're weak, just like me, why can't we just let go of this bullshit and be real? Why does everything have to be masked like the sickening sweet frosting they smear all over the cake. Can't we jut say fuck it, I'm pissed, jealous, annoyed..ect. Why do people insist on saying things like..oh I'm okay, I'm over it. Whatever, I can see right through your glass-like composure laced in your outfit of smiles and high pitched laughter.
And here I am, going along with it. I'm just like you. It's all a convenient way to befriend each other. Except when I show a little side of what's really inside of me....I am labeled as the dark and angry one. Fuck you. I'm sorry, but where the hell do you get off telling me I'm being rude just because I can't be a pleasant little doll to you for one second when I have my mom drilling into my fucking brain about oh how stupid and regrettable I am. I can't even cry in my own room anymore. I can't even be left alone without your judgement for but a moment.
So what do I resort to? Being like a fucking freak and sitting alone outside in the middle of the night with the rain pouring out because for just a little while, I'd like to embrace this pain and have some clarity without feeling like I'm the Emo girl with issues you make me out to be. I'm so tired of either being numb as fuck, or feeling like I'm ready to perform the disappearing act.
