I'm sorry, but I want to let it out. I'm having a metal breakdown.
I really do not like Southern. I don't think I've ever felt more stress and frustration in any other place before. There's something about this place I just can't stand. Today I missed an hour of Lecture and thus I missed a quiz. I set my alarm but I turned it off and I thought I was just closing my eyes for a minute, which actually turned out to be an hour. Lab was extremely hard, but I'm glad it's over, the only thing now is the Lab Exam that I'm really worried about. It's so long, and I feel so tired. My professor hates me. He glares at me all the time, and when I ask him questions, I can tell from the tone of his voice he does not want to help. I feel like everyone here doesn't care or notice me at all. I'm a walking dead. I feel so fucking fat here. I feel so ugly. I feel so stupid. I feel so unimportant. I feel so alone. Then I fucking can't find my card this morning. I know I had it last night, cuz I had to open my door after Brock took me out, but I can't find it this morning. I feel like I'm going insane. I feel like this place makes me want to take a gun and shot my head off. Every single day is either stressful to the point of my insanity, or boring to death. It's just me and behind closed doors, I scream and I cry in frustration and nobody sees. Why is it I find that the only thing I love doing here is sleeping. I've never ever been a fan of nap, until I came here. I hate southern. I hate the person I am when I am here. I hate food here too. I can't eat anything without bloating or gaining weight. I don't understand at all why this is happening to me. At home, I eat so so so so much more and here I barely eat anything. Yet at home, I don't feel huge and I lose weight. Here it's like I just can't win. I feel like I trying so hard, but each time I get up, something has to push me down. And I can never ever get on top of anything. I hate it so much. This is just a really bad day. And I'm so lonely, and this is just really hard for me. I wish you were here so I can at least have someone to cry to. But I feel like you would probably just think I'm complaining, but I'm not. I have to let you know what I hold inside. My heart is just so heavy and I wish I can leave.